tired

these nightmares make me 

tired because I cannot sleep

every night I am

trapped in my own 

clutching at stumbling memories

stuck in the past inside

drunken skin

wondering what the hell

is happening and not wanting to 

know because part of me does 

know and it makes me want to puke

I am too drunk to say no

society is so drunk that it 

says that if a woman can barely

walk than you should bend her

over in a bathroom stall

and give her nightmares

so she will be too

tired to resist

My rapist

my rapist does not know he’s a rapist

he does not know 

He still gives me nightmares.

he does not know that 

I try to pretend 

It never happened.

my rapist thinks 

he’s my friend

he pestered and pestered until 

I let him.

give me alcohol and 

say he could sleep on my floor

I did not sleep all night.

I kicked him out early

he was angry

my rapist does not know that 

I don’t remember anything.

except pain and being afraid

my rapist probably thought that 

my moans were of pleasure and not of 

skin being torn and

blood being spilled

my rapist does not know that 

I am terrified of him.

he calls me and tries to get me drunk

he makes me very good at lying

about why I’m busy or out of town

my rapist talks to me on facebook and

hangs out with my friends

I don’t hang out with those people anymore

I got very good at 

testing myself on how normal I could 

act

my rapist does not know

He is a rapist.