Wednesday, January 25, 2012

tired


these nightmares make me 
tired because I cannot sleep
every night I am
trapped in my own 
clutching at stumbling memories
stuck in the past inside
drunken skin
wondering what the hell
is happening and not wanting to 
know because part of me does 
know and it makes me want to puke
I am too drunk to say no
society is so drunk that it 
says that if a woman can barely
walk than you should bend her
over in a bathroom stall
and give her nightmares
so she will be too
tired to resist

My rapist


my rapist does not know he’s a rapist
he does not know 

He still gives me nightmares.

he does not know that 
I try to pretend 

It never happened.

my rapist thinks 
he’s my friend
he pestered and pestered until 

I let him.

give me alcohol and 
say he could sleep on my floor

I did not sleep all night.

I kicked him out early
he was angry
my rapist does not know that 

I don’t remember anything.

except pain and being afraid
my rapist probably thought that 
my moans were of pleasure and not of 
skin being torn and
blood being spilled
my rapist does not know that 

I am terrified of him.

he calls me and tries to get me drunk
he makes me very good at lying
about why I’m busy or out of town
my rapist talks to me on facebook and
hangs out with my friends
I don’t hang out with those people anymore
I got very good at 
testing myself on how normal I could 
act
my rapist does not know

He is a rapist.