In the name of the holy plastic goddess
I declare a war on BPA and polyester
Barbie, queen mother of the oversexed and underdressed, has issued a divine command
We must buy the complementary accessory set and multiethnic companion doll or we will never learn to make friends or combat racism
Speaking of racism; doesn't Pocahontas barbie look a hell of a lot like Chinese new year barbie or Peruvian barbie or . . . Wait a second there
Shhhh, merry Christmas barbie smiles in 2D and politely requests us to look past the limitations of diversity capabilities
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