serenity
the state or quality of being serene
I tried looking it up in the dictionary
usually that calms me
in some sick bibliophilic way
but today my search was answered with a form of itself
how cruel
how real
I am sick to my stomach
I have no stomach
there is a hole there
I can feel it
no swallowing
no breathing
no appetite
tightening its way up my body
like a snake who can sense when the prey is close
close to relinquishing control
this disease must have a name
a diagnosis
some stability
it’s all fraud
like a wig on a cancer patient
which reminds me
I need to get those moles checked out
or maybe I should leave them
let them spread and consume me
digesting myself
glorious cannibalism
there is no cure for cancer
besides cutting it out
and poisoning the host
cancer
any type of malignant growth or tumor, caused by abnormal and uncontrolled cell division
an evil influence that spreads dangerously
yes
yes, that works beautifully
this feeling is a cancer
a cancer in my heart
but logically
we all the know that the brain is the seat of all emotions
and a cancer there
is much more deadly
poisoning
right from wrong
life from death
love from fear
cancer
yes
I like the sound of that
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